InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The lunatic is on the grass."

Fickle (fickle) wrote,
@ 2009-09-10 14:10:00

I believe in a thing called love!

"You make me want to believe in destiny because when it comes to you, I just can't deal myself a winning hand. Every deck I cut slips me hearts but your heart's out of reach, always."

"I make my own destiny. You're in it."

"The ace of spades means death.

Everyone knows what the ace of hearts means."

"You don't get it, do you? I'm in love with you.

That's not going to change just because you make me wait a couple of years.

I won't say a word if you don't want me to. But I'll still love you."

"This isn't a game.

If it were, it'd be the kind of game I can't (afford to lose) win."

"The Black King has fallen. Be my queen."

"Loving you is all that keeps my heart whole."

"Love me?"

i'm just so sick of wasting my time
love and death are always on my mind

"I gave fifteen reasons why I love you. I can't give you even one reason to love me."

"Take it. I trust you. It's yours. I'm yours."

"I taste your lips with every breath. Every sip of water's flavored like your kiss. Every spoonful of cereal's taken with blood-milk; shards of my broken heart stick in my throat and won't let me swallow my breakfast down."

"I love you. I'm serious. What will it take to make you believe me?"

"I am not healing.

I still love you."

"This wound in my heart beats black, black, black. No medicine will make me better."

Nobody broke your heart
You broke your own because you can't finish what you start
Nobody broke your heart
If you're alone it must be you that wants to be apart

"I am so desperate for you to love me."

"You'll find my final message fifteen years after I'm dead.

It'll still be true. Ashes and dust, I will love you bloodlessly even after my heart has stopped beating."

(Post a new comment)

	lynx_cat 2009-09-10 10:21 pm UTC (link)
	I can't sum up words right now, but that's because the non-triggering bit didn't work for me. I love you, Fickle-luv. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fickle 2009-09-12 08:57 am UTC (link)
	Gah, I'm sorry! hugs What triggered you? I love you too, Neko-fluff. more hugs! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lynx_cat 2009-09-12 09:10 am UTC (link)
	Love the icon. XD And...the love part? THAT triggered me. XD Gods, I'm sensitive to that right now. So stupid, but there it is. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fickle 2009-09-12 09:11 am UTC (link)
	It's from Tiny Titans, where all the DC characters are shrunk down into wee tiny kiddie versions of themselves. SO ADORABLE. ...Oh yikes. What's wrong, boyfriend problems again? Do you want to talk about it? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lynx_cat
2009-09-12 09:17 am UTC (link)

Cute. Didn't know about it, til now.

Ummm...yeah, problems there. I just try not to think about it because I can't do anything about it. Then there's my family stuff. I need help out here, but I can't even sum up the willpower to ask them because the idea of rejection is so painful, and they already made it clear I had no business asking anything of them if I ever left, so.... Oh well. Dealing. And then love just makes me all wibbly. XD Family stuff, I eat it up, crying the whole time. In a way it amuses me, so it's all okay in the end.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	fickle 2009-09-12 04:10 pm UTC (link)
	Enjoy. ...Wait, wtf? Because you moved out, your family wants nothing to do with you? That's insane. But what's wrong that you're feeling trapped? You deserve better than to be in a relationship where you're not happy. And depressing family stuff sucks. But Everybody Hates Chris is a sitcom with a fantastically funny family. XD (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lynx_cat
2009-09-12 05:12 pm UTC (link)

Thanks~!

It's not that they don't want anything to do with me, but before they made it clear when any of us ever moved out, that was it. We could never move back in. And when I wanted to go to college in Michigan they told me fine, I could do whatever I wanted, but they weren't going to pay for it. And that was when they were still LEGALLY bound to pay for my college education and I was still IN high school. Stephanie needed more money to be able to pay for college and other expenses so she asked them if she could stop giving them half her paycheck, and they agreed to that on the condition she provide entirely for herself and they weren't going to help her, then. This is why she married and moved out as soon as she could after that. Even when I WAS giving them half my paycheck I still had to get food for myself 85% of the time, clothing, amongst other things, even though I couldn't afford it, and my mother didn't care. She would just tell me to go back to college and get a better job, then. Knowing full well I couldn't pay for it. After all of that, learning from that, now? I'd rather just not deal with it, or them. Then they didn't bother to get me anything for my birthday or Christmas, which, no it's not a big deal. I don't need presents, but it's the concept behind gift giving that I DO need. So yeah. I'll pass on even trying with them. I couldn't deal with rejection and passive-aggressive excuses right now. I'd lose it. I'm dealing with enough passive-aggressive nonsense that has me screaming and punching things. Which. Is. So. Not. Me. I'm not proud of that, but I'll be honest -- I'm out of sorts.

Relationship. Just. I hate relationships. Seriously. I just happened to get involved with a guy that wanted all of my time, all of the time. And I tried to make time for myself, but then he'd send me text messages, repeatedly. And I keep getting told things like, "You don't know how to deal with a relationship." Or "I've been in more relationships than you." "Relationships are work, and this is probably you're first real one, isn't it?" Etc. I should have probably ditched at that, but I hate giving up and not giving people way more chances than I should. I have no issue admitting this situation currently is 75% my fault, but in the beginning, I know it wasn't. And the reasons we don't get on are at least 85% his fault. He refuses to listen. Refuses to admit when he's wrong. Has this attitude that I refuse to compromise, but says in a manner that I don't know if he's serious or not, and says it to the kitten, at that, instead of at me. And...I can't afford to move out of this apartment now. I have no money for another downpayment, period. And while I could have moved out before, his attitude was along the lines of, "Well, we might as well just break up," at me expressing the want to move out. Considering that, I don't want to be living under the same roof with him after breaking up with him. Not that I'm ready to end it anyway. I already feel alone as it is, though. I'm just going psycho, partly because of a lack of affection. It's one of those stupid things I've gotten myself into, and now I have to just bide my time until I can find a way to make it better, or find a way to make him LISTEN to me, a way that doesn't dissolve into his rude commentary, dismissal of what I'm saying, or causes him to treat me like I'm irrational and don't know what I'm talking about. I'm not in the mood for condescending bullcrap, primarily because I'll end up dissolving into irrational spurts of absolute anger with all of this stress, and that won't solve ANYTHING. Though I'll feel better~! 8D Punching doors makes me feel hell'a better, I learned.

Ha! Haven't heard of it, not that I'm much into watching syndicated television. So prefer boxsets sans commercials. Or whatever I can find online. 8D

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	.... lynx_cat 2009-09-12 05:13 pm UTC (link)
	Guh. Sorry for the tl;dr, but that's seven months of crap for the relationship, and YEARS of crap I tried to summarize into two paragraphs. XD (Reply to this) (Parent)

	moonlit 2009-10-19 09:32 am UTC (link)
	Just. D'awwwww. I miss RPing with you. ;; (Reply to this)