Forced on me by ceresi, despite all my attempts to resist! *swoons*

Put your MP3 player on shuffle, take the first line of 20 songs to make your new song. The first line of the 21st song is your title.

this vacation's useless

oh, we are proud,
I was stranded on a planet
it's just a few more hours
an old man turned ninety-eight
I'm in a circle

if
beauty lies inside the eye of another youthful dream
oooh baby do you know what that's worth?
take a souvenir
you can have washington i'll take new jersey
leave me dreaming on the bed

when I am queen
hey baby

Paris, the city of lovers
aiko aiko
they call
I can show you the world
I have often walked on this street before

though I dreamed of this day long ago
I'm leaving

...What little sense it DOES make seems to indicate that vacations are useless, and lovers will leave you once you're old and ugly, and life is a circle that you're stuck with? ANALYZE MY SONG, and take this meme.

(Lines posted in the order that they popped up). Convinced Savior to do this with me for moral support and am about to see if his makes any sense! Or more sense than mine, anyway.

Hey, at least it's not Nano :P

( Things to do before Tuesday. )

I should've done some of that yesterday but I was hanging out online and chatting with Savior. Got reminded that NaNo means a disappearance of most of the people I'm used to, meaning no need to wait around patiently online for them to appear. Considering joining RPs people are trying to talk me into but on the other hand, having trouble keeping up with the one that I belong to right now, thanks to work laptop not letting me access insanejournal.

...I get the feeling I'm going to be watching lots of YGO: 5Ds instead of RPing over this coming month. And getting even more heavily into Galactick Football. *edited TV Tropes last night just to get more references to Galactik Football up!*

Which reminds, I should start up a Galactick Football comm on el-jay. And do some more work for WR's and mine Super Secret Project of Awesome.

Huh. Guess that I won't be bored after all. I'll just interacting less with people. XD

I don't have a GF icon on this journal. TRAVESTY. That's it. I'm not posting this entry until I've made one.

And done! I now have TWO! They could better, but they're good enough for now.

Today was the second part of my sister's funeral. She died last December and was cremated then. Today, we released her ashes into the river.

( Ashes to ashes. )

It's hardest to not have faith right now, when I want so desperately to believe that there is something that I can still do for my sister even though she's gone. My parents are devout Buddhists. They are not allowed to mourn or be sad for my sister because otherwise, it might hold her back from having a happy life in her new incarnation. They are doing all sorts of tourist stuff with their friends, which is why I am currently online in a hotel while they sleep, because I don't want to go look at cultural sites. I want to be alone and grieve. Without their cheerful talking, without the noise and the enthusiastic 'look at this!' and the constant photo-ops.

I miss my sister. My sister's dead. If I believed in an afterlife, I could say she's watching me and doesn't want me to be sad. If I believed in Buddhism, I could say that I'd only hold her back by being sad. But I am an atheist, and that means that there is nothing I can do for her. There are no prayers that I can say; there is no merit that I can earn. There is no consolation to be found in thinking we will eventually be reunited.

I can't fool myself; my grief is a wholly selfish thing. I do her no good by fasting, or lighting candles on the 10th of every month. I remember her with the candles, and honor her, but there is no her to appreciate it. I am lighting the candles out of respect for her memory, because it makes me feel like I am doing something.

If I believed in a God, at least I could negotiate with him or pour my energies into somehow coaxing him to take good care of my sister. But I don't believe in anything, and to try to accumulate good karma for my sister strikes me as a sort of cowardice that's hypocritical at the best and double-crossing at the worst. I don't think religion should be a lukewarm thing where you turn to God only when you need help; I think you should believe, fire and soul and forever. And I don't believe like that. I just want there to be something there for my sister's sake (except my sister is dead and gone so really, I want it for my own sake).

Grief, within the context of my ultra-Buddhist family, is a selfish, selfish thing. But my sister is dead and her ashes are gone and now I have nothing left of her. Not even so much as a lock of hair. So I will be selfish and grieve for her, because I loved her and she is gone.

Insanejournal has 300 icon slots for a paid account, some of my friends, and nifty sidebar layouts. Livejournal has most of the comms that I belong to and most of the people I know have journals there.

As for Deadjournal? They have the most snarky, insulting staff EVER.

( Screencap of the site message saying that DJ's down for scheduled maintenance. Triggers for suicidal people? )

I think my favorite bit is:

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

YOU STARTED IT.

Seriously. I mean, deadjournal's whole schtick is that they're the journals nobody else wants to read. They mock their client base for being emo kiddies, tell them to go off and whine in their deadjournal about how their parents don't understand them, theme everything around crypts and graves and morgues and predict an increase in suicide rates while the site is down.

How could I not use such a site for importing my Twitter and doing my personal updates, along with retellings of my recent nightmares? XD *waves a little djay pride flag!*

LOOK AT ME!

Ages ago, I wanted to write a modern day Greek mythology fic. Done to death, I know, but I still had fun coming up with the main themes/chars, so I'm typing them up here just for posterity's sake.

Zeus ran a club called 'Mythos'. Every hundred years, the gods and goddesses would gather together to report on their achievements, since they'd decided to spend some time just living amongst humans after the Christian God came in and stole most of their followers.

I was going to set my story for the 2000 meeting. ( Details of the chars and their roles under the cut. )

YAY ICONS! I woke up one morning with inspiration for an icon set floating about in my head, then spent most of a day working on them. Cue a set of 85 '[name] is my hero' icons. XD The icons are of various characters/groups from DC, Marvel, Star Wars, Star Trek and Misc. Characters featured included members of the Batfamily, the Supes, X-Men, Teen Titans, Outsiders, Green Lanterns, Spidey-world and many more.

And this gave me a chance to break in my new icon journal in ijay, iconic!

Samples:

001

002

003

004

Choose your hero/ine here at iconic!

And if you can think of a hero/ine that'd icon well (as in, has a very recognizable symbol), then go ahead and suggest it via comments. I'm thinking of making an Avatar set and maybe a Naruto set, with the village and element signs, though that'd obviously be more for groups than for individual chars, alas.

Fifty Years From Now

Fifty years from now, they will burn
my poems.
My books, my life's work, the blood of my heart -- they all be consigned
to flames.
The patriarchy has won. Already
in my time,
the women are sending coathangers to
South Dakota
and
Tennessee.

Gloria Steinem, Toni Morrison, Naomi Wolf -
their words will keep mine company.
I take comfort in knowing
my poems will go to their deaths with
such greatness.

The only thing worse than to have
my works sacrificed is for them to be
deemed no threat.

This is a call to arms.

Wrote it ages back, found the paper it was written on, decided to type it up so it won't matter if I lose the paper.

So despite being in the wrong country to call you up with birthday wishes, I still want you to have a fantastic time at Disneyland and a great year! In order to help you get your birthday off to a great start, I made you gifties! Tiny little offerings, but I hope you like them and that you have an AWESOME birthday!

( Happy Birthday to you! )

I'm back in Vienna. I wish I wasn't. But I am.

My new room is lovely. I can still hear through the walls, though. I took a shower to wash my hair and my mother liked the present (new John Grisham book) that I bought her, and my father liked the lobster t-shirt I got him. Baby cousin D passed her driving theory exam. Practical is tomorrow. Parents suggested going shopping for big bookshelves tomorrow.

I have four-five boxes of stuff to unpack that I got shipped over from America and three suitcases. I'm starving and nauseous from the effort of acting cheerful and being scared the other shoe will drop. I'm trying to act as grown-up and bubbly around my parents as possible to signal I'm an adult and Things Are Different. I feel sick when I see my sister's room and that my parents are sleeping in it. It's obscene. I hate it. I want to set it on fire and burn inside it.

I have a trip to Athens to look forwards to in September/October. I have Willow's panties with me (still! :P). I have wireless Internet in my room, yay. I have volumes of 1, 3, 4, 5 of Doll, so I just need 2 & 6. (Doll might be my current favorite manga).

I start a lot of sentences with 'I'. Silly little self-centered me.

I miss everyone already.

Link: Delta Makes Woman With Muscular Dystrophy Crawl Off Plane

On July 20th, Julianna's (delayed) Delta flight landed in Atlanta at 7:30pm, with a connecting flight scheduled for 8:05pm. Julianna, who has muscular dystrophy, missed the connecting flight because nobody came with a wheelchair until 8:05—the same time the connecting flight took off. To make matters worse, the plane crew told Julianna she might make the flight anyway if she stopped waiting for help and got off the plane right now, so she crawled down the stairs on her own. When the wheelchair came she was "wheeled into a back room and advised" that her plane had taken off. But that was just the first half of her ordeal, and the next eight hours only got worse.

Delta can't be allowed to just brush her off with a meal voucher that she wasn't even able to use.

If you have a Yahoo account, Buzz it up. If enough people Buzz it, it might make front page news and put more pressure on Delta to compensate her adequately and change their policies so nothing like that happens again. If you have a Digg account, Digg it. The more negative publicity, the better the chances of Delta being shamed into acting.

And finally, spare a couple of seconds to go complain directly to Delta here. I know it looks intimidating because they're asking for all that RL info, but all they really need is a name and an e-mail address, if you checked the asterisk'd fields. In the comment box, link to the news article in question so that they'll know what you're talking about, then tell them exactly what you think of their behavior.

If anyone's got any further ideas on how to make the story more visible, drop me a comment. A public apology is the least of what they owe her, but it's something that can be achieved through the pressure of public opinion if enough of us actually put our outrage to good use and do something about this.

http://community.livejournal.com/yennenga/653.html

She said that poetry and prose is okay. I'm tempted to go fictional for this, because beauty is definitely a topic that I've had to think about a lot. But personal also works. I usually am more of a reader than a contributer, just because I am seriously fucking busy a lot of the time, but for this... Anyway. Here are some attempts below. The actual finished posts will be stuck up on my livejournal, most likely.

Every person I've ever dated has been white.

The first boy had brown hair and brown eyes and white skin. The first girl had brown hair and green eyes and white skin. The second boy had brown hair (that I convinced him to dye blue, to grow long, to bleach blond) and blue-green-gray eyes that I loved and still do love.

There's a photo of me at the age of 12 when I saw an actor playing John Smith at Disneyworld. My hand is over my heart and my expression is awe-struck. John Smith is possibly still my ideal man: adventurous, brave and very, very handsome. Blond. Blue-eyed. White skinned.

It's probably not a coincidence of my three favorite Disney movies (Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pocahontas and Mulan), two of them feature interracial couples. In both those cases, though, it's the woman that's a person of color, and the man that's white. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any Disney cartoon that has a man of color with a white woman, which is the sort of prospect that's a lot more likely to cause unease than the familiar colonial image of a white man invading a foreign shore and taking a native woman as his lover.

I come from a former British colony. In my family, we have one girl who has white skin, brown hair, and green-hazel eyes. For ages, I was convinced that she was a bastard child, born of an affair, then my parents told me that on my uncle-by-marriage's side, someone had married one of the colonial oppressors and that the blood still bred true, resulting in these strange light-skinned throwbacks every once in a while.

In a way, it's the opposite of the American problem with slavery, where the 'one drop' rule dictated that anyone with even a drop of black blood in them was black. In Sri Lanka, if you have even a drop of white blood in you, you are white. White is a good thing to be; for years, the Burghers (those being the Sri Lankans that had a bit of colonial blood in them) were the ones who got all the best jobs.

And my cousin looked very, very white. None of her brothers did. They were all Sri Lankan on the surface, as Sri Lankan as I am (on the surface).

I thought my cousin looked a lot like Belle, from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. But I didn't think she was pretty.

I grew up in Austria, attending an international school filled with people from different countries. I'd seen plenty of white people. I didn't think her white skin made her special; it made her a freak, in a country full of dark-skinned people, in a family full of dark-skinned brothers and parents.

But she married above herself because of her white skin. She made a good marriage to a man (a light-skinned Sri Lankan) who took her to England.

Even with her white skin, she still had to marry a Sri Lankan. Where would a girl from Sri Lanka meet a white man, after all, except possibly a tourist? And no good Sri Lankan mother would let her daughter marry a stranger with no family ties to their family, an unknown who could conceivably take her away only to sell her into a brothel.

...And that's all that I can write for the moment, and I'm not surely sure it's good enough to submit anyway. But it's a personal narrative, not fiction.

Monday:

Had delays on flight both going there, resulting in LONG stopover, but managed to call Willow and get her to IM Zoe to warn Zoe I'd be late. Zoe, Kristin and Jekka all met me at the airport with the most embarrassing sign ever! Then we went to Jekka's house and had the cake she made me (fudge, really awesome icing), then to Kristin's house to pick up stuff, then to Zoe's. Then Zoe went to work, Kristin, Jekka and I got food for her, we tried to find American Psycho but failed, and then met up with her at work to munch together and chat a bit. Gave Zoe her sweatshirt and folder, Kristin her manga and chocolates, and ... can't remember what I got Jekka.

Checked into the hotel after midnight, hopped online briefly, then collapsed to sleep.

Tuesday:

OMG WENT TO CIRQUE DU SOLEIL! Mystere. It was fantastic. Trailer here, though it doesn't do the show justice. I LOVED IT so much! The trapeze artists and bungee birds were especially awesome, as was the guy with the cube and the drummers in the air.

I knew that there'd been a surprise planned, but not WHAT. It kind of shocked me half to death to have it turn out to be Mystere because they'd been scaring me with talk of Thunder Down Under, and how it's supposedly a male strip club where you have to sit on their lap and it has full-frontal nudity, etc. Zoe only told me that wasn't the case when she realized that I was shaking and holding onto her arm, but didn't tell me WHAT it was, so I asked the lighting guy about that once we were in the box.

(The tour guide didn't make it any easier on me by being all, "Please don't touch the glass, remember this is a working environment", etc.)

Afterwards, we walked down the Strip a little and went into The Forum Shops. I treated them to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory as thanks for the Mystere show, which we got to watch from the lighting guy's box as a special treat, and Zoe bought some makeup while I checked out sneakers. I also amazed them with my ability to find my way around, and Zoe was thrilled to see a huge ad using a model that's one of her PBs.

Got back to hotel late-ish but hey, seriously fun night and I had Zoe for company!

Wednesday:

Recovered from last night. Checked out Thunder from Down Under online, just to see if anything they'd said had been true about it. Pouted at Zoe and Kristin for not having more time off, and basically just hung out with Zoe in the hotel room, since she'd slept over in the other double bed. Ate left-over desserts from Cheesecake Factory, most of which were variants of chocolate cake. Seriously considered extending my stay in Las Vegas because I was having THAT much fun and wanted more time with Zoe and Kristin and Jekka, but couldn't because it'd get way too expensive. Booked tickets to fly down to Florida and stay with aunt's family instead. Aunt invited me to invite a friend, but Zoe and Kristin both have to work so can't make it. Boo sucks.

Thursday:

Went to Thunder from Down Under. Eeeep. I think that might deserve a post of its own. Tried talking Kristin into going with me but her family blocked it, boo.

Called Willow afterwards and talked for nearly 3 hours.

Friday:

Got woken up by Zoe around 7AMish after I went to sleep around 3AMish, we hung out and chatted for a while until I absolutely had to pack up and get dressed to leave. Boo. She got lots of cool swag from me, though, including Body Shop olive oil bath products that I couldn't take with me on the plane. Fell in love with a book I read called 'The Book of Lost Things', finished the Mercedes Lackey Elemental Series, got stuck in the plane for an hour or so in Memphis before it took off, arrived home at Bonnie's after midnight.

Now to bed with me.

Conclusion? Vegas ROCKS, but not as much as my friends do. ♥

Switch between multiple log-ins easily.

That? That is awesome. If you're running Firefox, you can just switch between accounts by clicking a small tab at the bottom of your Firefox box and selecting the account you want. Works for eljay, ijay, dejay, and even Scribbit or whatever they're calling it now.

I currently have it working for Firefox, thanks to my RP accounts over here and am absolutely delighted with it!

( Posted solely for Kristin's reading pleasure, because she wanted to read Gellert/girl!Em. Anyone who wants to read, WARNING FOR HET SEX. )

So, today, I handed in my last paper, exited my Boston Uni apartment, and am at Bonnie's. I have completed my stats and English courses, and believe I passed both of them.

Therefore, I have now graduated from Wellesley College. I even have a congratulatory card from Willow to celebrate it! *could've never graduated without her so clearly owes her a card in return!*

NO MORE PAPERS AND EXAMS TO WORRY ABOUT!

I am so thrilled. Right now, my problems are simple ones: getting all my laundry done so that I'll have clothes to wear for my Vegas trip, and reserving a taxi to take me to the airport on Monday. That's it. No papers and exams on which my entire future hinges. No stressful studying or desperate searching for tutors. No glaring at books I hate but cranking out ten pages about them anyway.

I am DONE with college! YES! WHOO HOO! MUCH JUBILATION!

Transcripts of YGO eps only prove how crazy they are.

Meanwhile, the Kaiba Corp helicopter, accompanied by the four military helicopters, is flying over the ocean toward an aircraft carrier. After landing on the deck, the gang meet with a uniformed officer. He tells them he tracked them down because they need their help dealing with a worldwide threat. They think their only hope may lie in a card game. (Japanese Kaiba asks if they're Doma's men. The officer tells "Mr. Kaiba" that they've been watching Doma for some time, and Kaiba and the others. They know that many of the phenomena now happening all over the world are related to Doma. But, because the country's central rule is now under the control of Doma, they haven't been given the authority to attack.)

Yami tells the officer he's right. Someone is using the game of Duel Monsters to wipe out the Earth. The officer says, who better to stop this menace than the Duel Monsters experts? Kaiba says, so he's asking them to do his job? The officer says they've been following Dartz around for months, but he leaves no evidence behind. With no proof, they can't do a thing. Dartz is no ordinary criminal. Without Yami and Kaiba, they have nowhere else to turn. (Japanese Yami says, so Doma is controlling this country's politics? The officer says he's ashamed to admit it, but the fate of the world is now in Yami and Kaiba's hands. Kaiba hmphs, and says national authority is unreliable from the start. The officer asks him to at least let them accompany him halfway, and also to help stock up his helicopter.)

Off the bow of the aircraft carrier, lightning flashes around an island shrouded in darkness.

As the carrier approaches the island, the officer tells the gang this is as far as he can go. From here on, they're on their own. He wishes them good luck, and tells them they're doing a great service. Kaiba grumpily insists he's doing this to save his company. The officer says that may be, but if Kaiba can beat Dartz at his own game, he'll be saving a lot more than his company. (The Japanese officer says he hopes Kaiba can win. Kaiba gives him grudging thanks. The officer says his son is a big fan of Duel Monsters. He asks Kaiba to please protect the future of their children.)

Major props to the VAs for having done those lines without cracking up. MAJOR PROPS.

Major thunderstorm knocked my Internet offline. It's STILL not back. This is driving me a little crazy because it means that I'm in the computer lab again to get Net access which is Not Fun because I can't install MSN on it, or watch movies without having to wear headphones, and I can't snack and be online and drink water and stuff.

Plus side is probably that it's air-conditioned, at least. But dude, it's been a day already with no Internet at home. Fickle is not a happy camper.

In other news, I spent a lot of time outside yesterday once the storm cleared up. I brought home a sci-fi compendium, Fledging by Olivia Butler (latest fav author), Kindred by same author, King of the Lamp manga (totally love the King char, lol), a random yaoi novel -- and I read and finished them all within maybe five hours. Argh. Curse my fast reading skills. It left me so bored that I screencapped and made Gotham Knight icons.

Mostly making this entry because while I was at the bookstore, a guy named Matt hit on me. 18 years old, was there with his mother, spent AGES talking to me about his Mary Sue characters that he writes for Sailor Moon fanfic and his love of shojo-ai, frequently told me how nice/kind I am and how other girls are bitches or just talk talk talk all the time. Anyone that knows me knows that I DEFINITELY talk a lot. I was only being quiet around him in hopes that he'd shut the fuck up, because I definitely wasn't interested in a convo with him.

He also had to explain that he's not gay but people often think he is because he's so nice. Yeah, right. Gay boys really write shojo-ai. (And yes, I know he was saying that to try to make it clear that he was interested in me and not just making conversation for half an hour because he likes the sound of his own voice, though that's probably it as well.)

Fuck him. I hope he stops writing all together and that people flame the hell out of him for his stupid Mary Sues.

AND I WANT THE INTERNET TO COME BACK UP, DAMNIT!

Contraception defined as abortion?!

What. The. Fuck.

Are they INSANE? What about all those countries all over the world that need American aid money, and women's clinics? What are they supposed to do, just hand out Pap smears and advocate pulling out? The global gag rule is bad enough. This? This is just beyond STUPID.

The world is already suffering from overpopulation. The last thing we need is more unwanted, unplanned-for babies.

Tell that to President Bush, and if you've got the cash to spare, make a donation to help Planned Parenthood fight it.

So, apart from the utterly AWESOME gifts that Kathy and Numa sent me together, I also got a phone call from Kathy and calls from various other people that made me squee. A lot. And Dani drew me the CUTEST picture of Ryuuji hugging God! And by God, I mean the kitten. The little black kitten with green eyes, though you can't currently see the green eyes in the picture because the kitten has her eyes squinched shut, just like Ryuuji does, and they're grinning and they're happy and it's SO CUTE that it makes me grin just to look at it!

And the background? Cornflower blue. Does Dani rock or what?!

My roommates and Sam went out to see Hancock, which was AMAZING. Seriously, I'd had pretty high hopes for the movie, and it blew all of them away. I'd read there was a plot twist, so I kept my eyes peeled for it but when it arrived, it took me by surprise anyway. And I loved the ending. It's totally not how you'd expect a superhero movie to end, but at the same time, it is. And it's perfect, and it's sweet, and it totally inverses so many of the myths about true love and hero-dom.

LOVED IT. Want to own it, in fact.

Afterwards, we went to a Vietnamese place that Sam recommended and I had dinner there. It was pretty yummy -- beef wrapped around onion with a side of rice. Then we walked home from Kenmore, since Kelly knows a shortcut from Kenmore to our place, and we had chocolate cake that my roommates made for me, and listened to some music, after which I hopped online in hopes of chat and RP.

Giftwise, I also got $50 dollars and a set of magnets from my parents, $100 from Teri, a package from New Zealand that was sent to BOnnie's house so I have yet to receive it, a package from somewhere that was sent to my parents' house, so I have yet to receive that as well, but it means even more gifties to look forwards to! Since some of the cards that went to Austria probably also have money or gift vouchers in them.

If someone would just write me Cold Case fic, my life would be complete.

In the meantime, I am a happy grinning creature who had a fantastic birthday, is VERY grateful to everyone that wished her, loves Dani ESPECIALLY MUCH for the drawing (best hikari-toy EVER!) and is just, you know, a happy person who had a good time.

I am now 22 years old, which is a pallindrome, and grinning like CRAZY because I just opened Kathy and Numa's gift parcel to me! How well do they know me? Let's see... XDDDD

So I opened the package today and the level of SQUEE is not to be believed!

( Fickle babbles happily about gifts because OMG SO MUCH YAY! )

x =

Ah, young love. First icon is by me, second is by Savior.

BOTH are historically accurate, believe it or not.

So, for your birthday, I wrote you a Yami no Bakura/Yami no Malik fic! (Yes, that's right, Bakura gets to top. Finally. Well, sort of tops. You'll see.)

BUT I wanted to make it extra-special and decided the best way to do that would be to make sure that only one copy exists. Which means -- you guessed it -- I sat down and wrote it by hand. All seven pages of it. It's as tidy as I can get it, perfectly legible, a fantastic sort of plot that I'd actually love to make into a proper series and TOTALLY JUST FOR YOU. Nobody else will ever read it unless you show it to them.

See? Fickle-fic, totally and completely exclusively written for Dani.

That's the good news. The bad news is that I mailed it to you, so I don't actually have anything solid to give you on this special day except the news that yes, you are getting a present from me! And it's psychoshipping! And it's JUST FOR YOU.

So, um, in the meantime, hang on to all the little gifties I sent you with my last letter, and think of them as precursors to your real gift.

Love you lots, and have a FANTASTIC birthday, hikari-toy-pet of mine. Don't eat too much cake! Or glow-in-the-dark semen. :P

still sick

fever's back

need to make CV for alternate jobs if i don't get the UN job, got the necklace from Peru that moonlit bought me, it's very pretty

"Ano Nendi has found this post in UN NY that she thinks will suit you. It is a real job and will get you about 2000 to 3000 USD a month and six weeks' holiday. Sounds good to me. You but need to apply today itself as the closing date is 5th July.Can apply online and that is even better."

From father's e-mail. I am filling it out RIGHT NOW, despite still being rather sick.

sick

stupidly, aching, trouble-breathingly-clogged-lungs sick. coughing up yellow. running a fever. missing one class because of it, but attended morning class. will go to CVS and buy Tylenol on Zoe's rec once I feel well enough to stand without falling over.

Back in America! Too tired and jet-lagged to be coherent, so posting meme instead.

"The Big Read thinks the average adult has only read six of the top 100 books they've printed below.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them."

( Some of these books suck. )

There's a Heinz Deli Mayo man that has two men sharing a brief kiss on the lips for the sake of humor. I liked it. I thought it was funny. And today, I found out that it's been pulled off the air thanks to complaints from viewers. It was meant to run for five weeks but instead, they've stopped airing it after only one week.

It's a very tame ad. It has only that one kiss between the two men, and it's such a short kiss. A peck on the lips, really! (If you haven't seen the ad, click here.)

It's definitely nothing that I would worry about children seeing and for that matter, the ad wasn't even being aired on childrens' channels because "Heinz Deli Mayo falls foul of Ofcom's TV ad restrictions relating to products that are high in fat, salt and sugar". Nothing to do with the two guys and everything to do with the product in question being unhealthy.

So, with that in mind, I want all of you to stop whatever you're doing right now and give feedback the Heinz corporation now.

The ad got pulled because of consumer outcry. Heinz claims "It is our policy to listen to consumers." Let's put them to the test by telling them that we don't care if two guys kiss on TV, we think it's a good thing, and it's shameful that they bowed to pressure from homophobic consumers.

It's easy to write in and bitch about a product. Let's write in and praise this ad, and see if they're willing to put it back on the air.

Click here, fill the required forms and make your voice heard.

You don't need to write a huge manifesto. A simple statement will do. For example, "I believe it's wrong to bow to pressure from homophobes, and I approve of the Deli Mayo ad that was pulled. Please put it back on the air. If you value consumer concerns, you will listen to the positive responses to the ad as well as the negative and see how many people did not find anything offensive about the ad."

If you've got the guts and a little spare time, you can call them at the toll-free number 800.255.5750 or send a letter to Heinz Consumer Affairs, P.O. Box 57, Pittsburgh, PA 15230. Or maybe just send them a boys-kissing postcard with "BRING BACK OUR AD".

Heinz says that they listen, so let's make ourselves heard.

As with everything, she wants only the best, so when she decides to divorce her emotions from herself, she hires the most skilled lawyers she can find.

At $500 an hour, they don't tell her she's crazy. Why let the psychiatrists get their hands on her fortune if they can have it?

They draw up an agreement for her emotions and herself to sign, and pronounce the matter close once the two identical signatures mark the bottom of the page.

The first time PMS hits, she sues them for malpractice.

She wins millions, but is too busy crying to care.

Joey: Are we going or what?
Seto: What do you think, genius?
Joey: I'm detecting some sarcasm, rich boy.
Seto: Really?

( Seto really is the coolest anti-hero EVER. )

The good news is that the wireless Internet is FINALLY hooked up so that I have Net on my comp once more, YAY!

The downside is that there's a limit of 10GB per month so I can't watch shows online and stuff. I'll have to catch up on Vampire Knight once I'm back in the States, though I have read all four manga and am now spazzing out over the hopefully-soon arrival of Maria. I can't say anymore in case I spoil Dani and break her teeney weeney hikari-toy heart.

SO! While stuck at home, I've been watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit because of Savior, Monk because of Numa and YGO: Waking the Dragons saga because IT'S YGO, do I need a better reason? Thoughts on the eps where Dartz faces off against Yami and Seto are under the cut.

( crazy as it sounds, I think our entire future rests on a card game. )

I also made a TON of icons, so expect an icon post over at icon_d pretty soon. And ego_chan might be coming over in July to hang out with me in Boston, whoo hoo!

Anyway, I need to rush off to dinner at my cousin's place now but basically? FICKLE IS BACK, BABYCAKES. Twitter will quiver in fear of my compulsive updating once more!

Currently:

1) In Austria
2) Practically Netless
3) Waiting for father to buy wireless router so I can have Net
4) THE OWNER OF A PLAYSTATION 2!
5) The owner of the Pirates of the Caribbean:At World's End Game for PS2
6) Waiting to order DDR from Amazon since none of the stores had it
7) Already fed up with parents
8) Getting a blood test on Thursday
8) Seeing Dr. S (recommended by Dr. P whom I saw last night) sometime next week
10) Seeing Dr. P next week on Wednesday
11) Making a ton of icons to make up for lack of Internet
12) On a diet yet possessing perfectly healthy blood pressure, whoo hoo.
13) Missing EVERYONE dreadfully.

Taken from the_willow, my user icons of people/characters of color. I'm so used to anime that I forgot all the YGO/Japanese chars count as characters of color.

( while the light lasts/I will remember/and in the darkness/I will not forget )

went to bed around 4AMish, woke up around 7ish, had breakfast, lay in bed trying to fall back asleep until 10AM. Then went to mall to buy shoes, got shoes from Macy's after walking all over, had fight with parents over where to get my hair cut. Mother wanted very upscale, expensive place that Bonnie had recommended and I didn't care and said to go to the mall place because it was closer.

Ended up in mall place, got hair cut into layers that frame my face prettily, going back to mall tomorrow for mani-pedi and eyebrow threading. Went into room today and did lots of packing. Kind of exhausted now because didn't get to eat until 6PM, when all I'd had in the morning was two bowls of cereal at 7AM. And was on three hours of sleep.

Parents wanted me to go out to dinner with them and Bonnie, I faked falling asleep on the couch, they left me alone. Probably going to take a shower now and sleep/nap because hi, 3 hours of sleep. Might answer RP tags when I wake up. Might just sleep right through until tomorrow, when I still have MORE packing to do on top of everything else.

Dealing with parents relatively well, though. Giving self five points for that.

Random quotes meme, borrowed from ceresi! Go here and refresh until you get five quotes that resonate with you, then put them up in your journal.

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

Madonna

There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love.

Christopher Morley

Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.

John Viscount Morley

Three failures denote uncommon strength. A weakling has not enough grit to fail thrice.

Minna Thomas Antrim

I am now a graduating senior, omg yay! Parents coming up on the 26th but I'm a free agent until then. Tagged back on RPs (I am so RP-deprived, you wouldn't believe it), did some comments, caught up on ijay flist sorta, and mostly just grinning and pleased with myself for finishing.

Bonnie wants to see Prince Caspian with me, and I invited Lily to watch Iron Man with me, but I'm free for the rest of the week, hopefully.

Did I mention I'm done? And SO SO GLAD to have Willow as a friend since she really helped by constantly poking me to keep me focused and by making comments on the West Indies paper to bulk it out AND by telling me stuff about the Furies to stick into my Ovid paper.

YAY. DONE. CLASSES ARE OVER. Except for the two BU courses this summer.

I have 11 days to write 5-7 papers. One of those papers has to be AT LEAST 15 pages long. I'll also need to take 2 exams within that time period.

Conclusion? I won't be around. Not on MSN, not for journal comments, not even for Google Docs RP. I'll be keeping my gmail page open for e-mail stuff from my professors, but please don't IM me over gchat. To everyone whom I owe RP or tags, I'm really sorry, you guys are just going to have to wait two weeks. It's crunch-time of the senior year where if I don't get everything done, my last four years at Wellesley will count for nothing, so I am completely serious about going MIA.

The only contact you'll have with me is most likely over my Twitter, which I'll update with my progress as I go along. Unless you're willing to papersit me over Google Docs, in which case you can watch my agonizingly slow progress over a variety of topics for different classes.

Seriously sorry, everyone, but this is necessary. Try not to break the Internet while I'm gone.

Wish me luck!

There's a meme opened up where you make gifts for random strangers or people on your flist. I think it's a fantastic idea. We just finished Sexual Assault Awareness month, had the mess with the Open Source Boobie Project and there's a feminism fiasco going on to do with WoC feeling marginalized, so something cheerful and positive is definitely a great idea from where I'm standing.

Currently, I have completed gifts for Dani and three total strangers.

Edit at Saturday, 9:10AM EST: Add in three more strangers and also, princessjessia.

Current total: 8 overall, 6 strangers, 2 friends.

I pretty much choose whom to give gifts for based off their username and if we have any shared fandoms. And I'll probably keep going until it maxes out on comments. If anyone reading this signed up as well, link me to your comment via a comment here and I'll throw something your way as well!

Anything you throw my way is ♥, pretty much. April was a grueling month and finals are coming up, and I am very easy to please.

the ☂APRIL☂ showers bring ✿MAY✿ flowers meme

While trying to convince Savior to get a Twitter, he made two mock Twitter-compilations to show what it would be like if he got one. I'm posting the one where he sporks my Twitter posting patterns.

Lysander [PWNED, care of Fickle] says:
Rewritten to best appropriate Savior-world equivalents.

I love Fickle. XDDD 1 minute ago
@ ficklediety omg! See, exactly! Did you see the link in the comments?! 2 minutes ago
Awww, the Kiwi got sent home for making crappy vegetarian curry. 4 minutes ago
"WHAT HAPPENED TO ANDRAE?!" 8 minutes ago (there's no substitute)
Watching Top Chef and chatting with the Brat. <333 9 minutes ago
[tinypic] <-- omg wtf is that!? I AM SCARRED XDDD 11 minutes ago
Back from cooking. Made spagbol and twelve icons. *accomplished!* 14 minutes ago
Something just set off the fire alarm. 16 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 18 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 19 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 19 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 20 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 20 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 21 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 22 minutes ago
[ extraneous Gunslinger quote] 22 minutes ago
Wtf? Livejournal is down? 26 minutes ago
Awake. 29 minutes ago

You gotta love that boy. Especially for his succinct explanation of WHY the Gunslinger quotations:

Lysander [PWNED, care of Fickle] says:
The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
But Gunslinger was just my equivalent because I couldn't think of anything else I quoted recently, and you have a tendency to include EVERY BIT OF DIALOGUE in the show you're watching

Narcissus Reborn [Lysander has been PWNED!] *unicef says:
*dies and hides* I do not! Just the good bits. XD Otherwise you would be DOOMED when I watched two seasons of Practice in a row -- I just didn't find anything there worth quoting.

In conclusion? I love my friends. And I love my Twitter. *hugs it*

What nobody knows is that after his encounter with Yugi and the Pharaoh, after he lost the game to them, after he betrayed his own father to save them, after his father died because of his betrayal -- Ryuuji Otogi was damaged. In a very specific way.

Ryou Bakura would've recognized it. So would've Yugi Moutu, or Malik Ishtar, if Ryuuji had ever let them close enough to see the danger signs. Ryuuji was too smart for that. He formed a triangle with Shizuka and Honda instead, using them as blockades to stop anyone from seeing him as a suitor (danger) to Shizuka. When they thought of him, they thought of him in terms of that, and that was harmless, just a teenage crush.

It explained away everything, just like Ryuuji's other had said it would. Ryuuji calls him his other, because 'yami' sounds so pretentious. And he's not entirely sure how dark his other is. He says things that Ryuuji has thought (sometimes) and seen (in his nightmares) but he makes them sound attractive. Dangerously so.

But surely Ryuuji's other isn't that dark, because he doesn't challenge the Pharaoh to Yami no Games and he doesn't go after the Sennen Items and he advises Ryuuji on how to not attract attention, on whom to avoid and whom to speak to.

Ryuuji's world was shattered when his father died. In a sick way, he's a little glad to have someone telling him where the broken glass is that he shouldn't step on, and whom he should show his scars to so as to gain their sympathy.

And his other tells him stories in the night time when Ryuuji wakes up screaming and who cares if those stories never end happily? It's the sound of his other's voice that Ryuuji likes. It's the reminder that he's not alone, even with his father dead (tou-san!).

Ryuuji's fifteen. He's been taking care of his father all his life. And now, he let his not-yami take care of him, and he does as he's told (as he always does) and he waits, waits, waits.

The Pharaoh and the Thief will eliminate each other, his other says, and Ryuuji agrees.

Then the world will be ours, his other says, and Ryuuji isn't sure he wants the world, and maybe this is a sign that he should be talking to someone about the voice in his head and the ghost-boy in his bed, but... He was their enemy. He was nearly responsible for Yugi's death. He put Jounouchi in a dog suit, and the last one is the only one that anyone is willing to talk about.

Ryuuji won't ask any favors of them. Not of them. He likes his other better than them anyway. His other understands him (and of course his other does, his other says with a laugh, he's him and pronouns are just so confusing when it comes to the two of them that Ryuuji doesn't bother).

He waits, and true enough, the Pharaoh and the Thief and the Guardian leave and the world is rid of the Sennen Items and their power.

Good, his other says, and Ryuuji remembers waking up and being worried his other would be gone as well. Good, because now there is nothing unpredictable to get in their way.

Everyone thinks that life will get back to normal. Card games will just be card games again.

Life does. Card games are.

It's business as usual, and Ryuuji's a business man.

There's more way than one to skin a cat and there's more way than one to rule the world.

Money and magic both begin with the same letter; it's almost magical what a person can do if they have enough money.

Ryuuji has money, followers, and most important of all, a better-smarter-stronger-stranger version of him to act as his advisor.

And one morning, he wakes up to realize that he rules the world and his yami is smiling at him out of the body of the socialite that Ryuuji had bedded last night, his not-yami's features stronger than hers though he's transparent.

Now, his yami says with a kiss to Ryuuji's mouth using the body of the girl who wasn't half as pretty when she was herself, now we have everything.

And they live happily ever after. They don't care how the story ends for anyone else.

thursday: drowning in love

friday: drowning in doubt

saturday: drowning

sunday: God, I can't drag my
self to church this morning.
please make a house call.

~*~

Plans:
next month:

find someone new.

this month:
get over you.

this week:
get you back.

today:
survive

~*~

I'd have a nervous breakdown
only
I've been through
this too many
times to be
nervous

~*~

THE QUESTION OF SUICIDE:

Keep it a question.
It's not really an answer

~*~

the layers I have put
around the pain of
your going are thin.

I walk softly through
life, adding thickness
each day.

a thought or a feeling
of you cracks the surface.

a call to you
shatters it all.

I spend that night in death

and spin the first
layer of life
with the sunrise

~*~

I'm past the point of going
quietly insane.

I'm getting quite
noisy about it.

The neighbors must think
I'm mad.

The neighbors, for once,
are right.

~*~

I am missing you
far better than
I ever loved you.

~*~

I write only
until I cry
which is why
so few poems
this month
have been
completed.

it's just
that

~*~

a new morning
of a
new life
without you.

so?

there will other.
much finer,
much mine-er.

and until then
there is me.

and because I treated
you
well,
I like me better.

also, the sun rises.

~*~

the need you
grew
still remains.

but less and less
you seem the way
to fill that need.

I am.

~*~

Someday we are going to be lovers.
Maybe married.
At the very least, an affair.

What's your name?

~*~

I loved,
which was purgatory.

I lost,
which was hell.

and I survived.
Heaven!

~*~

I found the poems in a book called "How to survive the Loss of a Love", along with many others, but those are the ones that I liked best. Especially "Layers" "Neighbors" and "Plans". Originally, I posted them to my deadjournal on the 14th June, 2003, and while I was going through my deadjournal and flocking entries, I found them and decided to share them here with all of you.

They don't have to be about love directly. I take them more as a set of general life rules for survival.

I am not kidding you. I watched this video that I found over at lj's wtf_inc because it was supposedly about an alternative to shaving/waxing, and about two minutes into the video, I spotted something sort of brown and moving behind the hair.

I thought it was a thumb. Or maybe a knuckle, or part of a hand. Then it moved some more, and I realized it was shaped a bit like a penis, but wasn't sure if it was, so asked the_willow and Zoey, only to realize it definitely was when it sort of stood all the way up and leaked out white stuff.

That's not the point. The point is, the penis MOVED. Not just getting pumped with blood and inflating like a balloon -- the tip actually LOOKED AROUND. I SWEAR! It sort of peered from side to side, and then nodded, and I KID YOU NOT, IT LOOKED AROUND. It was like a groundhog poking its head out of a hole and then doing a survey of the landscape to make sure that everything was safe!

I am not fucking kidding you. The penis moved. MOVED. Of its own accord! There wasn't a hand or anything that I could see that was stirring it or making it bend and peek around. It MOVED! Like a living thing!

Do you have ANY idea how terrifying that is?! I'm twenty-one years old, asexual, don't watch porn or hentai, and have never seen a penis in any form except in photographs occasionally. I didn't know they could MOVE like this!

MOVE.

It's like ... I just ... How the hell am I ever supposed to TALK to a guy in real life again if I'm going to thinking about the fact that he has an alien pod-person lifeform in his pants? That MOVES? And could be watching me between the gaps from the zips?

What if penises actually have eyes and can watch you and medical science just isn't advanced to know that yet?

...Okay, that one is probably silly. But still.

MOVING. PENISES.

MOVING!

MOVING!

*whimpers* PENISES MOVE OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. That is NOT a happy thought!

And apparently, according to DarkRose, balls SQUIRM if you poke them! It's not just the penises! It's ALL of them! It's just WRONG, people. WRONG.

Breasts don't move of their own accord! They jiggle, like fat does, if you bounce around, but the nipples do not go around peering at stuff like... like... LIKE A SUBMARINE'S PERISCOPE.

I don't understand this. I seriously don't. How is it that we do not have RIOTING IN THE STREETS about this?! HOW do people accept it as natural?!

WHY didn't anyone tell me that penises can MOVE like that?!

*hides in a corner of her girls-only dorm room and whimpers a lot*

I think I'm traumatized for life. I am absolutely serious about that. I am TRAUMATIZED for LIFE.

My Personality

Neuroticism	89
Extraversion	63